Seal Clubbing

Mermaids are jealous of Selkies, is the bottom line. Selkies don't live in a repressive despotic society that inhibits their sailor harassment, first of all. They're free to lounge about on rocks and bask in the sun all they want, as long as they keep their skins around.

That's the other thing – selkie skins are just so easy. One minute you're a seal, the next you're a person. Nothing simpler, go walk around. And, here it is, as we all know from Disney's timeless classic, The Little Mermaid, mermaids want to be where the people are; furthermore, they want to see them dancing. These are both things selkies can and do do.

Unfortunately for selkies, if they take their furs out to the club they're very easy targets for PETA, and the whole game plays backwards – if they manage to escape with their furs intact then maybe they just look like oil-spill victims, or like someone decided to go around spray-painting seals. Really, though, the sad truth is that they tend to get stuck on land and – really bad scene – sold into white slavery. Like t.A.T.u.. The fact that they are selkies actually ended up being largely to t.A.T.u.'s advantage, as, though not mermaids, they still have some of that siren-song charm. Say what you will about their music, but it saved them from a grim fate.

They initially generated the lesbian romance story as a cover for being seal-people, because they didn't want to draw attention to their past, see. PETA still refuses to issue an apology for coat damages, due to the apparently incredible nature of claims filed by t.A.T.u.