I know I've been absent this past month, but I have exciting news – be prepared to hear many reports on the life of the elusive pixie mermaid. I have been exploring deep sea trenches, questing for a glimpse of their grapefruit-sized selves and glowing foreheads (their foreheads glow). Thanks to assiduous study of the travelogues of many crazed sailors, I, Johnny Fishtail, foremost North American cryptoanthropologist, have discovered many secret things.
Here are some facts about pixie mermaids to whet your appetite:
Pixie mermaids are the size of a grapefruit.I make every effort to investigate the natural world like they did in the good old days. Until next time, happy reader,
Pixie mermaids are apex predators in their natural habitat.
Pixie mermaids are delicious.
Pixie mermaids wear winkle shells as hats.
Pixie mermaids have names like Carl and Danny.
Pixie mermaids are no less delicious for being named Carl.
They speak perfect English.
This makes them more delicious.
– Johnny
